Friday, September 17, 2004

How To Tell An Evangelical

If you are not an Evangelical or weren'traised thereby you might not know how to tell when you encounter one. Here are some helpful hints:
  1. Use encourage to tell you to do something you don't want to do. E.g. I'd like to encourage you to give to the Missionary Fund.
  2. Use challenge to tell you to do something you really don't want to do. E.g. I'd like to challenge you to give to the Building Fund.
  3. Cringing upon hearing encourage or challenge.
  4. Use impact as a verb. E.g. This verse has impacted my life.
  5. Failure to cringe upon hearing impacted.
  6. Failure to run screaming from the room upon hearing impactful.
  7. Use sharing to refer to telling a significant chapter of his life story.
  8. Cringing when someone says he wants to share with you.
  9. Shares about dog getting run over, losing his job, and contracting cancer with a silly grin on his face.
  10. Has read the books of the Left Behind series more times than he's read the Bible.
  11. Can expound at length about liberals without ever thinking of politics.
  12. Buys a sports car and says it is to create witnessing opportunities.
  13. Thinks a legalist is anyone who's stricter than he is.
  14. Thinks a liberal is anyone who's looser than he is.

No comments: